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Elvis Found Alive at UFO Conference

by Mariah Lampus

* This article was featured in our 2022 April Fools’ Day issue. This story is not real and was created solely to entertain.

It’s been widely speculated for years that Elvis Presley never died. After his death in 1977, many still claimed to see Elvis alive and well. Officially, Elvis’s death was ruled to be heart failure possibly caused by his abuse of barbiturates. 

Imagine my surprise when I entered a conference on the existence of UFOs and extraterrestrial life and came face to face with Elvis Presley, alive and well. Of course, I just had to get an interview. 

Q: “Are you the real Elvis Presely?”  

A: “I understand the confusion, but I am who I say I am.”

When asked if he had any proof, Mr. Presley pulled out a wallet and handed me his birth certificate. I’m no expert on determining if documents are fake, but never had I held such delicate paper that obviously was much older than I am. I said I would accept that he wasn’t lying for now.

Q: “Why are you here?”

A: “We had decided it was time to integrate back into society and see how time had passed here on Earth.”

Q: “You make it sound as if you haven’t been on Earth. Where have you been all of this time?”

A: “You asked me why I am here. It is to deliver a message. The message that the others are here, and that they have been watching. I am only one of many that they use to watch humanity. You seek us when we do not wish to be found.”

Mr. Presley abruptly walked into the milling crowd. It was safe to say the message was clear.

They do not wish to be found.

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