New Stories

Car Things Will Change Your Life

by Emily Lohr

* This article was featured in our 2022 April Fools’ Day issue. This story was created solely to entertain.

You’ve heard of things, but have you heard of car things?

As those close to me know, my car is like an extension of my home. And wouldn’t you want things in your home?

This is why I believe in the new, revolutionary idea: car things!

Yes, they are regular objects, but in your car, they are suddenly car objects.

I have had this theory brewing for a while.

Some things are life-changing to keep in your car. Car deodorant? Absolutely! Perfect for running errands after hitting the gym or days when you leave the house in a hurry.

Car snacks? Phenomenal! You wouldn’t believe how good two-month-old peanut butter crackers taste when you feel your blood sugar plummeting.

Don’t forget about car towels. Why are they in there, you might ask? I have no clue either! Did I spill something and use them to pat at the cushion? Was I worried my dog would throw up on a trip to the pet store? Maybe, but your guess is as good as mine.

Some people say keeping certain things in your car is unnecessary. Personally, I suggest not listening to those clowns. 

“Why do you keep extra sauce packets in your car? Isn’t that useless?” Well, you must not have had sauce-related emergencies before (which is to also say you have not lived before). 

Imagine a restaurant forgets to give you honey mustard. Don’t you fret, because you were prepared for this with your precautionary “car sauce!”

Overall, it is better to have an overstocked car than to let those empty-car haters try and tell you how to live your life.

So go ahead, and get your car things now.

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