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Pitt-Greensburg Hires Mothman

by Rin Alford

Photo of Mothman Statue in Point Pleasant, W. Va. edited by Rin Alford.

* This article was featured in our 2022 April Fools’ Day issue. This story is not real and was created solely to entertain.

This week, Pitt-Greensburg announced the hiring of a new professor, Mothman. He will be teaching a new foreign language and cryptozoology courses. 

Mothman hails from West Virginia and graduated from West Virginia University. However, he had a hard time going to school due to his fame, with many students asking for his photo constantly. Mothman is hoping to escape from some of that by coming to teach here.

“I’m hoping to teach students my people’s [Moth people] language so that there is a better understanding between us all. I know quite a few people were scared of my grandfather back in 1966,” Professor Mothman said. “I was also hoping that by teaching cryptozoology more people would believe in my family. My aunt Nessie was quite upset that people kept calling her a log in those photos.” 

Mothman wants all students to know that much of the information about his family is false and that he’s here to be a friend, not a foe. 

“I encourage students to take my class. Despite what most scientists say, I am real, and I do have emotions. I am not here to cause harm in any way, not to anyone here,” Professor Mothman said. “I want to be someone who is seen as approachable. I know that some may say I am a monster or that my grandfather caused a bridge to collapse, but I promise I am just here to teach tolerance and acceptance. I think that students will find my class very engaging, and I hope to have my friends and family come in to see that we are in fact real.” 

Professor Mothman talked about his plans to have other famous cryptids come in to speak and give explanations on how certain myths of them came to be. He promises that all the harmful rumors spread about the people he knows are fake and assures that students will have a safe environment in which to learn.

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