Pitt-Greensburg Starts Competitive Sleeping Team

* This article was featured in our 2022 April Fools’ Day issue. This story is not real and was created solely to entertain.

Pitt-Greensburg’s new competitive sleeping team will have tryouts in Fall 2022. All students are encouraged to sign up for the new sport. 

The tryouts will consist of three different events, showing what the ideal athlete will be expected to endure. The first will test the length at which the student can sleep. The second will test who can sleep in any environment, ranging from a hardwood floor to gravel. The third will consist of noise tests, as the students will be expected to sleep through various different noises and remain undisturbed. 

Dr. Sandy Mann, a neurologist and sleep expert, believes the sport will become popular. 

“Competitive sleep sport is something that will spread across the country,” Dr. Mann said. “Not only is it a safe sport, but it allows our students to get the rest that they really need. I foresee a lot of students vying for a spot on the team.” 

The new competitive sleeping sport has perks besides an opportunity for students to catch up on much needed rest. During tournaments, students on the team are excused from classes and assignments as it will take up a significant amount of time. 

The official date for the tryouts has not been released yet, but it is speculated that it will be in September of this year. People who wish to try out are expected to wear tasteful sleepwear and to be prepared to have a very uncomfortable slumber.