Eat Your Heart Out: Restaurant Review– Chef Kyle’s Signature Sandwich

This article was featured in our 2020 April Fools’ Day issue, The Outsider.
This article is not real, and it was created solely to entertain.

Have you ever wanted a sandwich that captures the college experience in just one bite? Well, you have come to the right article. Kyle Harper, community assistant of College Hall and reporter for The Insider, made me one of the best sandwiches I have ever eaten. 

Harper walked me through all of the steps of making the sandwich. First, he buttered two pieces of white bread and put them on a hot surface for thirty seconds on each side. Because Harper is not allowed a griddle in College Hall, he used a large stone and cooked it under the sunlight. 

After the bread was toasted, Harper opened a package of ramen noodles and placed the noodles directly onto the sandwich. 

“You don’t want to cook the noodles for any duration of time,” Harper said. “This will take away their crunch. This is a sandwich after all, not spaghetti.” 

After the noodles were gently, yet firmly, placed on the bread, Harper removed the icing from four Double Stuf Oreos and placed them on top of the noodles. Harper then crushed up the Oreo cookies and set them in a bowl. 

Next, Harper seasoned the noodles with the beef flavoring packet that came with the ramen. Harper asked me to not disclose the ingredients of the flavoring packet. 

“It’s a family secret,” Harper said. “And I also have no idea what is in this packet.” 

Finally, Kyle placed the other piece of toasted bread on top and garnished the bread with crushed Oreo cookie and a generous drizzle of Frank’s Red Hot. 

The sandwich had a crunch like no other sandwich I had ever had. It also tasted very unique. It was a combination sweet, salty, and spicy. The flavors blended together well and there was not a single flavor that was too overwhelming.