The Top 10 Most Useless Things Trump Has Done During His 2025 Presidency (So Far)

I know the April Fools issue was the last “Insider” edition, but unfortunately, these aren’t a joke. 

As this is my final piece for the semester, I wanted to make it clear—if it wasn’t already—where I stand on Trump’s presidency. Thank you to everyone who has followed or read this column. It’s been both a privilege and simultaneously detrimental to my mental health. 

Signing off, here are Trump’s top 10 most useless acts: 

1. Made English the Official U.S. Language 

In a move that pleased maybe one Facebook uncle per household, Trump has officially made English the language of America. Groundbreaking stuff, considering 92% of the country already spoke it.

2. Pulled the U.S. Out of the World Health Organization  

Yes, in the middle of a growing global health crisis, Trump planned to just make his tee time. Who needs international coordination when you’ve got a gut instinct?

3. Re-Renamed Mount Denali Back to Mount McKinley

Trump reversed the 2015 renaming of the Alaskan peak’s Indigenous name just to prove he could. Because when you’re out of ideas on policy, you can always fall back on petty.

4. Banned Transgender Americans from Serving in the Military (Again)

Despite all these years of progress, Trump doubled down on exclusion and re-imposed the ban on trans people in the military. Bravery, dignity, and self? Nope. Bureaucratic cruelty is always a better headline.

5. Renamed the Gulf of Mexico as the “Gulf of America”

Trump gave the ocean a new name—because nothing asserts dominance like changing the name of a body of water that isn’t even entirely yours. Sorry, Mexico. It’s personal now.

6. Signed Executive Order Declaring There Are Only Two Genders 

With a stroke of a pen, Trump sought to erase millions’ realities. Opponents had alleged that it was a dangerous backtracking of human rights. Trump called it “biology,” I call it bigotry in a lab coat. 

7. Ended the Tyranny…of Paper Straws 

In one of his most ambitious expeditions yet, Trump banned the federal purchase and use of paper straws—soggy sips are apparently a greater threat than rising sea levels. While the world quite literally burns, the administration worked to make sure your iced latte didn’t have a limp exit.

8. Nominated RFK Jr. as Secretary of Health

Who better to preside over public health than a guy who got kicked off Instagram for spreading disinformation on vaccines? Trump so graciously gave RFK Jr. the keys to the Department of Health as if this were a Survivor: Public Health Edition.

9. Pulled the U.S. out of the Paris Climate Agreement (Again)

Climate change is a hoax, right? Trump said “no thanks” to global climate goals, leaving the U.S. in fossil-fueled solitude while everyone else is trying to avoid the world going up in flames (literally).

10. Torched All Things DEI Like It Was 2021

Trump’s administration dismantled diversity, equity, and inclusion programs at federal agencies. The new motto? “If it’s not broken, break it more.”