April Fools: Sound Bites, Issue 14: Danny Duncan

About our author:

Senior English Major (but only because his advisor told him Communications was “too easy”)

Danny Duncan is known as the “voice of a generation”—at least in his mind. Famous for his biting satire of the educational system, Danny defends his poems as “too real” for the mainstream literati (a.k.a. he was rejected by the school’s literary magazine four times). When he’s not writing, he spends his time loudly sighing in the library, taking bathroom breaks during class to skip lectures, or lobbying for an extension on every essay.

Danny Duncan’s Poems: 

—

 1. “The Syllabus Lied”  

Week One: “We’ll take it slow.”  

Week Two: “Here’s three papers, due tomorrow.”  

Week Three: The mental breakdown begins.  

—

 2. “Attendance Policy (Or, Why I Deserve Financial Compensation)”  

If I pay tuition, do I not own my seat?  

Do my weary eyes not deserve sleep?  

Yet, three absences and I am banished,

As if I did not pay literally and physically for this knowledge.

—

 3. “Group Project”

Four brains and a shared grade.

One does the work, two blow it off,

The other one appears at the last minute

To ask, “Wait, what are we doing again?”

About our column:

Sound Bites is a poetry column intended to be read, heard, and tasted. It is finger food, messy and hands-on, compacting all the sweetest bits of a writer into a few small moments. The column will accept student writing submissions in the form of poetry or short prose for every issue from any and all majors, ages, and backgrounds.

Submissions can be emailed directly to Poetry Columnist Jamie Harrover at jeh275@pitt.edu. Parameters for submissions are as follows:

Please attach a Word (.docx) document of your piece(s) with a maximum of 750 words each

Include a short but personal bio about yourself with a maximum of 200 words

Specify your preferred name and pronouns

Please email me a cover photo of yourself— professional or not.

If you submit multiple pieces, please give them a group title of your choosing (i.e. “Three Poems by Lindsey Kutz”)

Be prepared for follow-up questions 🙂