Satire: Pitt-Greensburg Secedes from Pitt: Will Become University of Greensburg

NOTE: This article is apart of the Insider’s April Fool’s edition, it is not real and the information within it is not true.

Over the last several years, Pitt-Greensburg students have been spotted around the city of Greensburg, protesting for their student body autonomy. Picket signs, marches, and even vandalized bathroom mirrors have worked to polarize students on whether or not they should claim their independence.

Pitt-Greensburg, first opened in 1963, is a liberal arts branch campus of the world-renowned University of Pittsburgh. Known for its iconic blue and gold pride and feline mascots, the university takes pride in its inclusivity within its regional campuses.

However, trouble has started brewing between campuses. While Pitt-Greensburg students currently enjoy a multitude of benefits and resources from the main campus, they have started to feel restless.

A current Pitt-Greensburg student says, “I think we need to make a name for ourselves and put our school on the map. We deserve a school with its own individuality, its own character, and its own specialty.”

After several long board meetings and years of debate, Pitt-Greensburg faculty and administration have decided to finally break free from their mother campus. Sporting a new name, Pitt-Greensburg will now officially become the University of Greensburg beginning this fall semester.

Instead of repping blue and gold, the University of Greensburg colors will be green and black and the new mascot will be a crocodile — a panther’s natural predator. In a celebratory fashion, current students from the Environmental Club have brought a live baby crocodile into the Villages to serve as a communal pet.

The Environmental Club was not available to make a comment.