April Fools: Bruiser Demoted as University of Pittsburg at Bluesburgh Mascot

Following the city council’s decision on changing the name of Greensburg to “Bluesburgh,” the University of Pittsburg at Bluesburgh has agreed they needed to make adjustments of their own which includes firing Bruiser the Bobcat as the campus’ mascot.

They quickly went through a hiring process and advocated for the new face of the university to be Bluey the dog. They found that this would fit the theme of the recent changes of the city’s name and would also roughen up the athletics department compared to a small, agile bobcat. 

Though Bruiser the Bobcat has recently been making his rounds around campus and becoming a hot sensation, the university agreed that change was vital and called for. They argued “any change is good change.”

“This is ridiculous. Pitt-Greensburg needs someone who looks tough to represent them and Bluey does not look tough,” Bruiser said, to which Bluey responded, “Oh go take a tactical wee.”

Pitt-Bluesburgh will also have to change the abbreviation of the university. Since “UPB” is already in use by the Pitt-Bradford location, Pitt-Bluesburg decided that they would go by “UPBlues.” 

“It’s one of those things that has two meanings because our advertising team is clever like that,” said Bob Bobberson, president of UPB. “Whenever students find themselves missing our campus, they can claim they have a case of the UPBlues.” 

If you have any questions or comments about the new mascot, please keep them to yourself. The university already decided on this and did not ask for the students’ input regarding the firing of Bruiser.