Mariska Hargitay Takes Over Campus Police

This article was featured in our 2020 April Fools’ Day issue, The Outsider.
This article is not real, and it was created solely to entertain.

Mariska Hargitay, actress from “Law and Order: Special Victims Unit,” will begin working as the lone campus police officer starting at the end of April 2020.

“I am excited to start this new chapter of my life to protect students from danger,” Hargitay said.

Hargitay starred regularly as Detective Olivia Benson on “Law and Order: Special Victims Unit” for almost 21 years. She decided it was time for a break from television acting to pursue what she loves most: protecting young people on a college campus.

“I do not have any official training, but I think SVU granted me a lot of real experiences in a controlled environment,” Hargitay said.

The new position will be a learning experience for everyone involved, especially Hargitay.

Since she is the only officer now working in the campus police department, Hargitay and her family will move into the police station. She will be on the clock 24/7. The new living arrangement will help this situation.

“It will be a challenge to get adjusted to living [on campus]. I haven’t slept in three years, so I am not concerned about that part of the job,” Hargitay said.

Hargitay plans to make some changes to the safety procedures on campus.

Instead of emergency call stations placed around campus, the campus will install D.W.s, or Danger Warnings. These D.W.s act as Bat Signal for Mariska Hargitay when activated. They will play the SVU theme song and signal Hargitay of any issues.

The D.W.s will be installed by the facilities department starting the first week of May 2020.

“I lived in New York for the better half of my life. I wanted a change of scenery. Greensburg is the perfect place for that,” Hargitay said.

Hargitay is eager to begin her work and hopes to bring quality service and protection to the students and faculty.